My first week of working life is now over and I must admit its been a tough one. I'm struggling and doubting myself on many levels.
I suppose you could say I am hard on myself and expect way too much too soon. Over the past week there have rarely passed ten minutes when I haven't been thinking, "I'm crap", "I can't"...
The only person putting pressure on me is me...God has been speaking and I have heard him loud and clear.
In Collosians ch 1 in the message it says "We pray that you will have the strength to stick it out over the long haul. Not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory strength God gives.
It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has done"
I can say that I have experienced this glory strength. It is what I am relying on and it somehow ends up spilling out of my spirit and my countenance as joy.
Last week I relied on my own "grim teeth gritting strength", I felt like there was so much pressure in my head that I couldnt think striaght, sleep or function. I was weary and discouraged.
On Sunday I asked my Pastor to pray for me. He did and I have felt the benifit of his words. I told him that I was confused about where God was taking me and that I needed strength. Phil looked me in the eye and told me that I already knew where God was taking me, his promise had not changed. He said that I just need to settle myself in the mundane and stop looking for the spectacular. He also reminded me that if I wait and endure God will honour me. In the mean time I need to rely on the glory strength of God.
I am blessed to have people in my life who can cut through the crap and say it straight. We need to focus on the promise not the problems. We need to realise who we are...not believing the lies of the enemy. As a child of God, born of spirit, water and blood I am able. I am promised glory strength that spills over into joy. I am realistic and know that some days life is a bitch but maybe thats when it counts.
I also realise that Jesus lives in the mundane not the spectacular. Everyday I see the alcoholic, the dying, the broken...As mother tereasa said, "each one of them is Jesus in disguise". Surely to love these people is more important than success. Surley the kingdom of God is at hand in these ordinary people. Surely the glory strength of God is enough to heal their hearts.