faith love and bickering..

Was just sitting reading Galatians last night and just felt that parts of it were really relevant to some of the stuff that I have been thinking about and some things that have had me a bit confused.

Gal 5,6

"What is important is faith expressing itself in love"

"Use your freedom to serve one another in love....the whole law can be summed up by this love your neighbour as yourself"

"BUT if you are always BITING and Devouring one another watch out beware of destroying one another"

I know God is telling me something through this.

I have been confused recently by some of the division, back biting and sheer malice that goes on  within and between christian communities. I often wonder who is in the right? Who is in the wrong? Does it even matter? What does God think?

This verse has reassured me and in a way summed things up for me.

In this passage Paul has his work cut out for him trying to convince a nation that were used to rules and regulations as their religion, that religion now had a new meaning. The message of Jesus was evolving and people had to accept the fact that now there was grace and forgiveness....freedom. Everyone did not have to agree on the minor details of doctrine. They were to work out their own way of following Jesus in freedom and integrity.

We can either decide to be legalistic or we can follow Jesus. trying to be both causes unnecessary guilt envy and harsh judgement against others who don't do their walk with God the way we do. 

Paul advised the Galatians not just to be free for the sake of it, not to use their freedom to do whatever they wanted but they were to use their freedom to love and support others.

These people had been so caught up in sacrificing the right animals, wearing the right clothes to the temple, talking the right religious talk and Paul is saying.... the whole law in a nut shell is actually just to love your neighbour.

I don't know but maybe its actually easier to be religious and follow a list of dos and dont's than it is to love people, especially people who we disagree with.

The measure of our faith therefore is LOVE.

It is not face value..

"He leads a church, he must have an amazing faith"

"He is always up at the front...he must be really close to God"

I think that is shallow.

Yes a lot of these people are truly close to God but unless we know them we probably shouldn't judge.

Faith is expressed in love. Ever met someone who leads people amazingly from the front but has very little love to give off the platform. I have. I think a loving, outreaching, outwardly focused heart speaks more than a thousand of their sermons and "christian practices"... I would rather see a sermon than hear one any day...

We can be stuck on rules and on the way things should be done. Especially in our churches. The rules have even moulded themselves to be more modern and subtle but even now in our trendy church services we still have codes and boundaries which to me at times seem a bit religious. 

We have pride, opinions, tradition, intellect....

often to our detriment.

I wonder what God thinks when we spend a lot of time and energy bickering over doctrine and different ways of doing church. When we spend our time gossiping about how wrong some people are.

Will he not just ask...why did you not just love?....that's the law in a nut shell.

I know a lot of Christians and some have very different ideas about things than others. I also know Christians....members of Gods family...whose faith is doubted by other Christians. All I can say is that I think faith is expressed in love and as long as these people continue to carry the fire of God in their heart and I can continue to sense the love and compassion of Jesus from them...they are part of Gods family no matter what the doctrinal differences are. I am not talking about false teaching,

I am talking about people who believe in the life death and rising of Jesus. Who believe in salvation and grace and freedom, who long and strive for kingdom advances and who to be honest are expressing their faith in love more than most.

Maybe God has a more relaxed approach to our differences as long as our common denominator is the same. I have seen many sides of Gods character in different circumstances of my life and in different parts of the world. God has eternal dimensions. He enjoys diversity and probably prefers that to a load of cloned churches... perhaps different interpretations of different parts of his word and the expressions of that are to be celebrated and supported.

We need to learn to love brothers and sisters in Jesus regardless of the path they have chosen.

Otherwise we can and will destroy each other.

What about being happy for people who are doing something new and different rather than waiting and secretly hoping for it to fail...."I knew it wouldn't work".

The body of Christ has been divided for centuries due to the "tut tuts" of self righteous members who don't like change and don't like anything different to what they think is right. Who don't like to loose control...

God enjoys our diversity and longs for us to do the same...

Supporting one another

Equipping one another

Loving one another 

Freely

Regardless of who gains more success or recognition.

That's my rant over...

Am off to have my wedding dress fitted....... yippeeee!!

I have not forgotten

Well i have been swallowed up in wedding plans over the last few months....Getting married is very exciting but the actual wedding day can become the focus and its really not. Trying to keep everyone happy can be a big old pain in the ass.... but Its all good.

I am still working in Psychiatry. I'm on the dementia ward and It has been a strange but valuable experience.

Dementia is a disease that effects a significant amount of elderly people and some younger people. There are lots of different types but generally the story goes like this...

A coupe have been married for a long time, they have travelled the world together, they have had children and watched them grow up and have their own families, they have grown to love each other more and more even as their bodies age. Then one day he notices that she has started leaving the back door open, started putting things in the wrong place or started buying ives things twice because she forgot she already had...

This they joke about because it doesn't really cause any harm and doesn't effect their lives.

Things then start to progress. She goes out in the car and suddenly forgets where she is going. They have to go and look for her, she is lost in her home town. She leaves the cooker on before bed time, if he had not have smelt the burning smell the house would have burnt down...

This is usually the time when they present themselves to a clinic to see someone like me who does all sorts of memory tests and breaks the news about Alzheimer's disease. He looks frightened and has all sorts of fears.

Then eventually the situation progresses even further, the patients then loose the ability to recognise their loved ones, at times they become suspicious of them and become aggressive toward them... hitting, kicking.

Now he is repeatedly told to go away and never come back, she hits, kicks. She believes he is a thief and an alcoholic as he illness has given her a paranoia. Quite clearly he is just a lovely man with a broken heart.

 

What is he to do? He explains to the doctor that he wants to try to take her home with him again rather than to a nursing home. He made vows all those years ago that for better of for worse and in sickness and in health....as long as they both live.

He has not lost the ability to remember and so while he is able he will be loyal and true to the words that he spoke all those years ago.

I find that so beautiful. These people are literally part of each other. When one turns away due to mental sickness it must be devastating and many may loose heart but this man has decided that commitment is commitment regardless of the time that has past or if the person has changed. He loves her. He can see the real person even if he has to look back in order to look forwards.

I love how this reflects Gods love for me....that sounds cheesy but really recently due to busyness and life I have at times worried if God had forgotten about my dreams, my gifts, my heart. He made me a promise and more than any human God remembers and never turns his back on us or changes his mind. He is the same yesterday today and forever. He does not age and fade away he is eternal. How reassuring to have something so solid under our feet when may face all sorts of difficulties due to our health or our situations.... God wishes to prosper us and give us a hope and a future. It would be awsome if that meant life was easy but the more Isee the more I realise that the road is tough but God has not forgotten he is right there beside us every step of the way....God with us... that is hope and prosperity no matter what we are going through.

Free to live, free to give...

Well blogging seems to be a dying art but I reckon I will pump another few posts out before i consider calling it a day. I have moved jobs now and have a bit more time on my hands. I am doing Psychiatry now which some other doctors like to call Psych-a-holiday. Its not as chilled as I expected but it sure is a nicer lifestyle than working in a slog job like medicine. Saving lives is rewarding but It comes with anti social hours.

I on other other hand spend all day asking people how they feel, if they see hope ahead and if they think life is worth living. I try and find out what the voices are saying to them, whether the voices are male, female, speaking directly to them or in third person and the list goes on... Mental illness is a reality and it breaks the hearts of the sufferer and the carer alike. It is rewarding to make a difference in this. Maybe saving lives in another kind of way.

Anyway I have been traveling to downpatrick every day in the good old c2.... which I bashed the other week but its OK... I have had lots of time in the car to think and pray which is cool cause its hard to make the time sometimes. I have just sensed God telling me a bit about freedom and what it really means to be free.

I am the worst for getting bound up in worries, stresses and negativity. Sometimes I will think of the worst possible outcome and expect that so that anything else is a bonus. This is not from God.

I was listening to a song by tim hughes in the car which I cant even remember the name of but there is a part that goes

"I am free to live, free to give, free to be, free to love you"

Love it!!

This has changed my heart this week. We are free to live, not just drudge along expecting things to always be the same but to really really live. I went for a glass of wine with a friend on Monday night and she said..."If there is no growth we are not alive". We have to live. We have to be constantly moving forward into the dreams and revelations of God. Moving forward in prayer and in God's word and most of all moving forward in faith.... believing for more and more.

If I ask myself.... do I believe God for more stuff now that I did 5 years ago? The answer is possibly no.... its probably the same.... that needs to come alive and grow.

We are free to give. Flip this has really challenged me over the past couple of weeks. Ding and I were in Dublin a couple of weekends ago to chill and get away from wedding buzz. We were walking past homeless people who were begging. Each one of them made me feel sad and sorry for them.... but what is sympathy really. Ding said to me when we were sitting having a wee cocktail that he felt really challenged that he almost would hesitate to give money to people like that.... that sometimes he thinks to much about it like.... what will they do with the money? was it their own fault they ended up in the situation they did? why don't they try to get a job?? 

Ding is the kindest person and would give away his last penny. I realised he was being honest and that I too shared the same reasons for not giving at times. We both concluded that God says....give....just give...

God gives to us and continues to give even if we waste what he gives to us....we must give freely not bound by the ifs and buts...just giving because its better to give than to get.

Free to be

Some times I find it hard to just be. Sometimes its hard to be still, not rushing to work, to meet someone etc..

We almost like to be on the go because it means we don't have to sit and think and reflect on our lives. I feel God saying that this is something I need ...time out just to be and to be free in the silence outside of the hustle.

Free to love you. We are free to love Jesus despite our sin because he has taken it all....we are free to love others and we should do so freely again not needing them to be cleaned up first...rough round the edges is actually sometimes more lovable to me anyway. I admitted a guy yesterday who has been addicted to speed and cocaine since he was 12 years old. He is now 26 and wants to stop. He was lovely in a rough round the edges way. I felt the love of Jesus go out to him and I also realised that with love comes hope because I saw hope that he could climb the mountain he was facing and I told him that.

So freedom is the word in my head at the minute...Satan tries to hold us back but I feel that its important to live and move forward with a "nothings going to hold me back attitude" with a vision that we can only keep if we encounter God daily. We need to give ...without thinking about it too much, We need to be still without needing to rush and we need to love God and our neighbour as ourselves.

None of this is law or rules....that's the point no one can tell me I must do this....I have to experience God then I am free to do these things and love it!!!

 

Joybell

Ok so there have been a few developments in my life since I was last on here, there is the fact that I have a new job come August in Downpatrick, there is the fact that I have been on 2 very lovely holidays with some very special people and most significantly there is the fact that I am getting married.....ahhh....the excitement!

I have been very blessed to have met the man I love, who was made to be my other half, who looks after me... cause lets face it I need looking after, and who makes me laugh a lot!!

I am full of hopes and dreams. God is good. 

Togetherness is such an amazing thing. Someone to journey life with. Someone who will be your number one fan and you theirs.

I once heard a guy speak at a church service. His talk was pretty deep and was about serving God and loving others. He said a lot of stuff that challenged and that made sense but I remember significantly what he said in conclusion.

I think his exact words were, "I could talk all night but I want to sum things up by saying, I want to love my wife and my children and serve them as Jesus would."

This is a new time for me. I have always dreamed of serving God in lots of different ways. I have a fondness for people that have less blessing in their life than me. I also  want to make it a priority to love my husband with my whole heart and serve him as best I can. I know that then God can use us together and individually to serve him in who knows what ways. He already does.

I am amazed at the beauty of togetherness. 

Joy Bell....Is that not the happiest name ever!!!

Bring on the Dings!!!!

Joy

No I am not being self obsessed I actually have been thinking about joy...not just me the person but the whole concept of this wee word that has been with me for a good few years. People sing joy to the world or Ive got that joy joy joy joy down in my heart on a regular basis at me and each time think they have come up with something really original...torture! I always find that if in church when we sing a song with the word joy in it I cant help but feel weird...I think it feels weird to say your own name out loud...anyway enough of my rambling.

The Joy of God is a phenomenal thing.

Real joy comes from knowing our maker and being one with him. It comes from a deep knowledge and security in Jesus. When the storms come and the boat rocks it gives us the ability to know, not just hope but know that everything will be good, not just ok. That's hard sometimes.

Joy makes us feel the warmth of Gods love deep down in our very bones and gives us a peace and calm that happiness just cant muster.

Joy and happiness are not the same for me. I have felt joy before even in sad times.

I remember about 3 years ago when my Granada got sick. I loved him so much.

I just happened to be off for the summer before I went back to do my finals at queens. I had free time.

He was nursed in a side ward on the ward where my mum has worked for years in Craigavon and her friends were the nurses that looked after him. I had the privilege of holding his hand for quite literally a whole week. I was there when he breathed his last as were a lot of my close family. As was Jesus. We were so sad to loose our wee granda. He was such a good man. A man of God who lived a good, full life and who was the perfect male role model for all the generations that followed him. His death was sad, heart breaking but we felt the presence of God and even the Joy of God with us as we all came together. 

I have felt joyful at work on many occasions...yes you heard me right at work. When you feel your cheeks burn with concentration and interest into figuring out whats wrong with someone and then making them better. Or by just holding someones hand when they are scared.

I feel joyful tonight as I spent time with friends and laughed a lot.

I have struggled a bit with my mood over the past year. Possibly linked to stress and tiredness but I have found that something that I really need to keep close to God. Yet even on those low days when you could just lie in bed and not face the world I find it so amazing that God has grace and we can still know that it will be OK. We still have Joy even if our faces don't say it.

I love it though when my face radiates joy and God. you don't need to look in a mirror you can just tell that he is burning in you and its bursting forth.

As I choose to spend time with God and people who love him. As I serve others and give myself away, as well as looking after my health and my mind I can sense the deep Joy of God inside.

As women and maybe this applies to guys too our looks and weight....the list is endless can sometimes effect our joy...when we feel like we are having an ugly day or we don't feel good about ourselves. This is something that unfortunately comes with our flashiness. Maybe when we are old and grey we will drop all that and just be content when we realise it doesn't really matter that much. We need balance. We need rest. We need work and fun. We need good times and to a degree hard times. Above all we need the Joy of God to be our strength like a huge tunnel that runs under our lives that we can walk through even when things pile up..

Joy and happiness are not the same but they are lovely in combination. Joy though is the part that we can rely on. Its strong and firm and it wont move from under us with circumstance.

Love is Strong..

I consider myself to be a bit of a sop. I mean I just love a real good romantic movie, and I get that warm fuzzy feeling when there is a happy ending. I always say....ahh when i see a nice wee baby or a wee old couple holding hands when they walk down the road. Lovey dovey!!

Its funny though that sometimes our impression of the word love and God's love can make us cringe or make us think its a bit soft or girly. Where is the grr in us Christians...where is the fight in us....surely its not in our love??

The more experience I have of loving people the more I am aware of the power and strength that comes with that. It takes courage to love at times and it requires self sacrifice. It also coincidentally makes the enemy nervous.

I have talked before about the experience that I had in Thailand working with organisations that reach out to those involved in the sex slave trade. When I was there I got a really clear grasp of the idea of love being a weapon. Instead of feeling warm and fuzzy I felt the deep love and heartache of a father for his children, I felt the strong force of compassion drawing me closer to people and I felt the anger of God towards the enemies destruction....It was strong and deep and it had impact.

Some of the places we visited we quite literally hell on earth where sin was rampant. Darkness even in the scorching sun and the only light i could see, and I am not just being Christian about it, was the love of Jesus.

I reminded myself of 3 things.

1.There is a God

2.There is an enemy...I believe i stared him in the face.

3. Love changes peoples hearts.

As we love people with the heart of God we provide a light to guide them to the path God has for them...towards their hope and their future.

I have many dreams about my future. I would love to do some of the things that i have dreamt of. However as I continue on the journey and as at times i get a bit disheartened, I have realised that the best way to remember , refill and refresh your dream is simply to love those around you. As we love the least and the not least we remember...oh yeah this is what I am living for.

Proverbs 3 the msg

"Don't loose your grip on love and loyalty. Tie them around your neck, carve their initials on your heart".

No mater where we want to go in life, we actually can conclude that if Christ is in us then the bottom line of our dream will be the same...to love others.

My house mate told me that she was praying with some people recently and they all started to call out their dreams one by one, She was blown away as every ones dream involved loving others, from homeless shelters to African clinics.

Love is the strongest force that lives, Its not weak it has the power to make change. God is love

God you are my future

Well its been a while since I have been on here...my new job has properly swallowed me up. I have started in cardiology and have been flying around the east in the cardiac ambulance or the van as I call it. Its been stressful and my poor boyfriend has never heard the end of the moaning...

Only up until August then I am back to my much loved psychiatry. 

Made it to church last night since I was off all weekend. It was so refreshing to hear about the spirit of God and how when we are filled life is so much fuller. I think i have been running on empty recently. I bolted to the front last night to get refilled with God and with passion. I can feel the good of it even if I am off with the female version of the man flu..

  

I just have been thinking a lot recently about my future. I think I have become a little disillusioned as I have been working in a job that takes up all my thinking time and doesn't leave much time for reflection. Its been a while since I have really considered where I am going.

Then again I feel that God at times tells us just to trust that he has it under control and we don't have to be under pressure to always be sure of what is next.

God you are my future. As long as this is true surely everything else is just a by product.

I love that once we encounter God and once we feel his heart for the least...there is no going back...I am not and cannot go back.

Ding and I watched secret millionaire a few weeks back...I tend to go on about things and yes three weeks later I am still going on about what God said to us through this. The programme is basically about people who have lots of money but generally feel unfulfilled with it. They desire to go and give something to people who don't have much in order to make a difference. This particular guy went to a really run down part of England, an industrial town hit by the recession. He visited different organisations that tried to support the community. He found a little organisation called head light which was run by a guy who had schizophrenia. It was a mental health support group. People from the community came with their issues, fears and illnesses to share and to participate in work shops. It was so moving...Obviously I cried the whole way through and although he wouldn't admit it I reckon I saw a wee tear escape from under dings glasses...

The guy who was the secret millionaire himself had had a breakdown a few years back when his wife left him. He was lonely and broken. He himself seemed to enjoy engaging with this group and sharing his story. He donated them a load of money to expand their service and admitted that he had found so much fulfillment in doing so.

God has used that to speak to me about the fact that he knows where he is taking me. What if some day I could be involved in helping people in this way? What if I could use my profession to help people who aren't given a chance to grow and develop and share. Surely all this hard work will be worth it.

At the minute everyone at my stage in work is planning their future...surgeons, Gps, anaesthetists...I never really thought I could find a future in medicine. There is something about the clinical side that leaves me craving contact and conversation with the individual patients and their families without having to run off to the next drama. Yet God has reminded me that he not only plans and knows my future he is my future and he has led me in the right steps to get to my dream.

Striving towards a calling can be dangerous because we can end up blaming ourselves if we don't end up where we thought we would. People might give us some powerful prophetic word about where we will be in ten years...and if that doesn't happen we are likely to be disappointed.

Its not about how great we become, Its not even about how many people we effect...its about giving God your life and rolling with it. Being filled with him so we don't go off on a tangent of disillusionment.

I am not going back, no way...God you are my future. That makes me so peaceful today.