Getting my head around God..

No one has ever seen god but if we love one another God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I have spent a little bit of time reading 1 John this morning. Its been a long time since I have blogged and I guess blogging in general has died out a bit but I wanted to vent some of the thoughts that have been milling around in my head for the past wee while.

As many will know I have chosen to follow a career in psychiatry. A deep subject of the mind, the will and the emotions. Its a complicated thing our minds.. (understatement) I have been trying to get my head around the science of how we think and feel for the exams I am doing. I must say God made the part of us that was meant for understanding so complex that its impossible to fully understand it!

With all my working in psych so far I have struggled a bit with my faith and have been open about this with many people. My husband amazes me as he is always so sure about God and about what life is all about. I on the other hand think too much and try to understand too much.

I guess the thing is that no one has actually seen God. I certainly believe I have encountered God and seen glimpses of him in creation and as I have always said, in the poor and broken of the world. However we will only see God face to face when we are out of these earthly bodies.

As I treat people who suffer delusions, a lot of which are based around God and the devil it starts to make you think...Is this God thing all just madness? Do we really "hear" from God or is that just a mind game? I look back at times in my life when I was so sure about it all and I have started to ask myself some scary questions. Was I just imaging it? Was it just to give me a sense of security in a lonely world?

I have also really had to think hard about it because of what certain so called "people of God" come out with.

I really do cringe sometimes at the way christian people act. It embarrasses me. I do not want to be thought of as judgmental, no craic and a bit square.. I really really don't!

I also though don't want to be complacent and middle of the way with a faith that I would really need to be going 100% with.

I think everyone thinks about God in some capacity. Everyone needs hope and everyone needs love. So even people who don't claim to be good living are muttering prayers to God in times of need and are experiencing those inspiring heart pounding moments when they see Gods beauty in creation.. connecting with the one that created them on some level. Generally though connection with the church is not really happening mostly because of the focus on peoples behaviour which is often labelled as sin. I look back at Jesus and who he was on earth. He wasn't just a member of church... he was God... and yet he never gave the attention to right living and acceptable behavior that many church goers do today. He just loved. He just gave. He seemed like a good guy to hang out with and I can not find a place in the bible where he put anyone off church by being judgmental and stuck up.

As I have wondered what this whole living for Jesus thing is all about I have made a small discovery on my journey. Living for Jesus is not about who we say we are. Its not about how many people we manage to coax into following God in exchange for their normal life. Its definitely not about being better than anyone else or about not being able to have fun.

Living for this cause, a cause that is more supernatural than the day to day drudge of life is simple. It really is about love.

My favorite part of the bible is that it says God is love. People wonder what it means when it says we are made in Gods image... It means we were made to love. And we do.... everyone has that capacity.

So I have never met God face to face but I know what love means. I know that I want to give my life to help others. To love my husband. To love my friends and family and importantly to love those that are around me..

I know that in our churches it is often said or sang "It is finished..the cross has done it, the work is over". Thats such a comforting thing to know that there is no more struggling to be done to get right with God... its sorted. However as the verse at the top says, his love is complete in us when we love others. As we love one another the work that has been done is brought out into the open in its fullest form. It becomes visible on earth. Its not just a bible story. It comes to life as we express it. So the work is over but that doesn't mean there is nothing left to discover and experience.

So my intellectualising cant answer that. I cant understand love. Its too deep. Its supernatural. It is God and God is love.

As I have doubts milling in my mind I feel peace today because I know that love is real. I know that God is bringing me to a place where I was more sure than before. A place where its all real and not fake. I will be stronger and I will be still and know that he is God in that place of peace and rest.