Well blogging seems to be a dying art but I reckon I will pump another few posts out before i consider calling it a day. I have moved jobs now and have a bit more time on my hands. I am doing Psychiatry now which some other doctors like to call Psych-a-holiday. Its not as chilled as I expected but it sure is a nicer lifestyle than working in a slog job like medicine. Saving lives is rewarding but It comes with anti social hours.
I on other other hand spend all day asking people how they feel, if they see hope ahead and if they think life is worth living. I try and find out what the voices are saying to them, whether the voices are male, female, speaking directly to them or in third person and the list goes on... Mental illness is a reality and it breaks the hearts of the sufferer and the carer alike. It is rewarding to make a difference in this. Maybe saving lives in another kind of way.
Anyway I have been traveling to downpatrick every day in the good old c2.... which I bashed the other week but its OK... I have had lots of time in the car to think and pray which is cool cause its hard to make the time sometimes. I have just sensed God telling me a bit about freedom and what it really means to be free.
I am the worst for getting bound up in worries, stresses and negativity. Sometimes I will think of the worst possible outcome and expect that so that anything else is a bonus. This is not from God.
I was listening to a song by tim hughes in the car which I cant even remember the name of but there is a part that goes
"I am free to live, free to give, free to be, free to love you"
This has changed my heart this week. We are free to live, not just drudge along expecting things to always be the same but to really really live. I went for a glass of wine with a friend on Monday night and she said..."If there is no growth we are not alive". We have to live. We have to be constantly moving forward into the dreams and revelations of God. Moving forward in prayer and in God's word and most of all moving forward in faith.... believing for more and more.
If I ask myself.... do I believe God for more stuff now that I did 5 years ago? The answer is possibly no.... its probably the same.... that needs to come alive and grow.
We are free to give. Flip this has really challenged me over the past couple of weeks. Ding and I were in Dublin a couple of weekends ago to chill and get away from wedding buzz. We were walking past homeless people who were begging. Each one of them made me feel sad and sorry for them.... but what is sympathy really. Ding said to me when we were sitting having a wee cocktail that he felt really challenged that he almost would hesitate to give money to people like that.... that sometimes he thinks to much about it like.... what will they do with the money? was it their own fault they ended up in the situation they did? why don't they try to get a job??
Ding is the kindest person and would give away his last penny. I realised he was being honest and that I too shared the same reasons for not giving at times. We both concluded that God says....give....just give...
God gives to us and continues to give even if we waste what he gives to us....we must give freely not bound by the ifs and buts...just giving because its better to give than to get.
Free to be
Some times I find it hard to just be. Sometimes its hard to be still, not rushing to work, to meet someone etc..
We almost like to be on the go because it means we don't have to sit and think and reflect on our lives. I feel God saying that this is something I need ...time out just to be and to be free in the silence outside of the hustle.
Free to love you. We are free to love Jesus despite our sin because he has taken it all....we are free to love others and we should do so freely again not needing them to be cleaned up first...rough round the edges is actually sometimes more lovable to me anyway. I admitted a guy yesterday who has been addicted to speed and cocaine since he was 12 years old. He is now 26 and wants to stop. He was lovely in a rough round the edges way. I felt the love of Jesus go out to him and I also realised that with love comes hope because I saw hope that he could climb the mountain he was facing and I told him that.
So freedom is the word in my head at the minute...Satan tries to hold us back but I feel that its important to live and move forward with a "nothings going to hold me back attitude" with a vision that we can only keep if we encounter God daily. We need to give ...without thinking about it too much, We need to be still without needing to rush and we need to love God and our neighbour as ourselves.
None of this is law or rules....that's the point no one can tell me I must do this....I have to experience God then I am free to do these things and love it!!!