Friday, 26 September 2008

Grace, the third way..


Its been a wee while since I have been on here. I have been otherwise preoccupied...IL say no more.
Things are going well with me and I feel that I have reached a really positive point in my journey.
The last few months for me were a little difficult. I had a few things going on and those of you who know me will realise how much I appreciated the support of friends and family.

I have started to feel stronger and I can sense an awakening inside to dream again. I went through a period where my mind just would not engage with God. I couldn't read his word, I couldn't pray and I didn't really feel the need to. In a way it was like God was giving my mind a complete break at a time of exhaustion and confusion. I had at one stage almost been over spiritualising things in my life to the extent where I didn't really feel earthed...in the clouds you could say.
Since the beginning of August though things have been much brighter and I, especially over the past week feel alive inside again.

I have been thinking a lot about the grace of God. It has astounded me the past week that God's grace is sufficient for me.
My brother as some of you know has been unwell for around 15 years. He developed Schizophrenia as a 20 year old man and his condition has continued to deteriorate throughout this time frame. He has been in hospital for the last 2 months to have his medication changed and for respite.

In my numb spiritual state I have missed praying for him during this time. I have prayed for him daily for 15 years until the past couple of months.
God is not a God of Karma. Sure you reap what you sow but God doesn't forget about everything you have sown in the past just because you have a blip.

The past two weekends he has been clear minded, conversational, is not hearing loud voices in his head that always tortured him, he is sleeping all night, he is happy.
This is the best we have seen him in a very very long time.
My hero, big Jim aka my dad said to me that its so typical that God answers our faithful prayers at a time when we are not so faithful...Even when we loose faith....he is faithful.
God remembers.
God cares.
God wants the beast for us and for our families.
The answer often comes at an unexpected time, when we aren't even tuned in!

We were talking about grace in our cell group with church the other night. I love how the grace of God is loving but fair. It always accepts us but it makes us aware of the changes that we need to make. It doesn't just give us the licence to do what we want when we want. It does not ovelook our sin but it loves us despite it....as Rob Bell puts it its like a "third way".
Sometimes we have two ways of dealing with things...lie down and take it and be a walk over, or blow your top and get angry.
What Jesus showed us was a fair, just and gracious way to live...a third way.
I believe that when someone wrongs us we must confront the problem. We must say the thing that has hurt us and we must stand up for what is right...not just for ourselves but on behalf of others. However there is a way to live that will include the love of God in the whole process and that will end in forgiveness and clarity.

I think that the past few months have strengthened me in trusting the grace of God for times when I feel a bit cut off. I also think I have learnt through various hurtful situations that there is a third way to live...in love but also in truth and fairness.
When we have confronted the issues that we have with others and we we forgive and love we can truly be free from regret. We can dream again by the grace of God.

1 comment:

  1. Claire McSparron4 October 2008 at 21:58

    Don't even really know how I came to be reading your blog, but wow, it really spoke in to my heart. Thank you so much for communicating so openly and honestly about the struggles that have been going on in your life and the truths you have learnt through it all. Helped me loads.

    Claire.

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