Monday, 1 December 2008

Expression Frustration

I have lots of different people in my life with all sorts of amazing ways of expressing who they are, who God is and how they feel.
Expression is God's way of enabling us to vent the image of himself within us. I love the different forms that there are of doing this and it is very much a case of "each to their own".
For the record I am in no way musical or artistic...much to my dismay. For those of you who are, you have been blessed with such a special form of expression.
When you write a song, put your own music to it and sing it for others to share. The depths of your heart, even the brokenness becomes tangible in the atmosphere where it is heard. Simple words become so much deeper because we feel your heart. The word love, hope, peace...they mean more when they come from somewhere deep inside and from a place of personal experience and even pain.

Those who paint. How amazing to take an emotion or a stirring that you can feel brewing deep inside and watch it trickle up through your spirit, into the coordination of your body and onto a canvas. I imagine there is a strong air of content with each stroke of your brush in expression.

I get frustrated sometimes when I cant express myself or if I do not take the time to do it. I have to make the space...that morning alone with my journal in a coffee shop...keeps me alive in many ways.

To put pen to paper.
To talk beneath the surface.
To give away love to those who don't know much of it.
To get inside someones head by asking exactly the right questions.
To cry when I feel broken. (Its very frustrating not to be able to cry when you need to).
To laugh.
To have little red cheeks when I am in the thick of what I love.

We all need a vent. We need to let the spring go from time to time. A lot of the wound up tension within ourselves is often the product of an expressionless life. Not engaging with the people we love, not opening up our hearts, not being honest with God and telling him exactly what we think about life and love and dreams.

I guess I have always had dreams...we all do. But when I loose my expression these dreams end up being the very things that bind me. Dreams are meant to free us. Whilst there is no outlet the potential gets trapped, explosive almost. Have you ever felt wound up like a spring??

We can be full of dreams and full of potential but if the potential doesn't convert to some sort of action or energy then we can become unhappy and frustrated with the tension created.

Jesus always poured out the potential inside. He didn't miss a second. I have learnt though that it wasn't all about giving. That leads to depletion and some of you will know how that feels. Its about the balance of pouring out your heart yet being continually filled and inspired.
He carved wood.
He shared conversation, deep truths, food and wine with close friends.
He reached out to the least.
He had angry outbursts in response to injustice.
He cried out to his father when he was in pain.
He sweat drops of blood.
He took time out to himself to contemplate, regenerate and receive.

I can see how he constantly had input and output in a perfect flow which caused him to be so free and whole. I would like to discover the parts of myself that reflect him and I would like to let that loose and express it. I also want to be filled, not running on empty and expressing depletion but continually regenerating life.
 That's the beauty of knowing and expressing Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Wow Joy. My friend Jude and I were catching up on blogs and yours blew us away. You know people always assume when you're creative (as I guess I am) that pouring thoughts onto a pad or into a poem or song somehow makes everything-including the mixed emotions you suffer in life, better. However, the process of expressing it is the frustrating thing. Trying to put something 'of worth' as Matt Redman says, into vessels that are so human-words or notes feels so difficult, painful, so insufficient.

    It's so good and timely to see that you are experiencing a struggle, to understand the depth of emotion that you have with how life tries to box us in and away from God. Jude and I are wondering whether this is a uniquely female problem. How do we with feeling so much, strike a balance like Jesus did. Where do we put feelings of frustration and injustice when the pointlessness of life engulfs? I guess God has been telling me that I need to be constantly aware of His love for me-it's only there that I find peace. Loving your blogging. Keeps us sane.