Sunday, 2 September 2007

Deep Love

Just finished my week of nights at work...7 nights in a row was a bit of a marathon but I actually really enjoyed the adrenaline and the fact that I was thrown in at the deep end and challenged. I'm now trying to work out what day it is as my body clock is disorientated.

Obviously lack of sleep ain't good for the old emotions and a few nights during the week I got a bit teary eyed. The patients that were sick literally broke my heart. I have never really experienced such deep love for absolute strangers before. My heart at times was pounding with compassion. Surely this is God inside me. This kind of force is inexplicable, the force that compels us to love deeply.

At about 3 am on Thursday morning I was called to confirm a death in one of the wards. On my way over I met this elderly man in a fluster ringing the bell to get into the ward. He was upset and I asked him if he was OK. He replied with a shaken voice, "my wife is dying". I knew in the back of my head that she had already died as I had been called to confirm it. I let him in and he ran, limping, up the corridor in desperation. When he got to the ward the nurse said to him, "I'm sorry but you didn't make it on time". He wept like a baby and then went in to see her. I stood outside the door with tears rolling down my face.

I went in too and put my hand on his shoulder. He told me that she had been ill for 11 years and he had hardly ever left her side. That evening he decided to go home for some sleep and he missed her passing.
I cannot describe the deep love I felt for this man. God is love...I think it was God in his essence.
How privileged to work in an environment that provokes and cultivates this love. How honoured to be a vessel for God to express his broken heart to the broken hearted. This man was devoted to his wife to the end, he was faithful and loyal to her.

God is faithful. He never leaves us, he loves us deeply. At this moment I have never been more thankful for this simple yet profound truth. I am almost beside myself with desire to sell my life just to love people like this. It's hard to know how sometimes but usually its pretty simple. God's love reaches deep, deeper than our eyes. I choose to believe that my love for this man on Thursday penetrated him deeply and in some small way helped ease his heavy heart. Is there anything more beautiful than touching someones heart with the deep love of Jesus. No matter what field we find ourselves in we are surrounded by opportunities to channel the depths of God into the lives of strangers.


  1. im left with my own tear stains...

  2. Joy I love reading your blog. Your words are vulnerable, raw and powerful.

    I think you could be the female Rob Bell!

  3. Joy it is awesome to know that there are doctors like you. I KNOW God's love flows through you - it's who you are. 'For such a time as this...' he has placed you there...

    Also praying that you will know how to guard and protect your heart in these (precious) moments of intense emotion and intimacy, so that you don't burn out emotionally.

    May His living water continue to flow into you and through you.

    :-) Nina

  4. What a privilege Joy! I remember that feeling when my mum died. I sat with her all day and then i went downstairs overcome by tears to be called back, she had passed away. I am thankful to God though that I didn't watch that last breath. In time I think that man may be too. Those images can be torture when you're healing. Thanks for openly sharing your heart-not sure about Rob Bell-he's actually quite sterile-your writing is from the heart, that's why I love it!

  5. and i love reading your blog too joy, thank you xo

  6. you have a beayitful heart.

  7. i hit the wrong letter when spelling beauitful oops sorry