Well its been a while since I have been on here...my new job has properly swallowed me up. I have started in cardiology and have been flying around the east in the cardiac ambulance or the van as I call it. Its been stressful and my poor boyfriend has never heard the end of the moaning...
Only up until August then I am back to my much loved psychiatry.
Made it to church last night since I was off all weekend. It was so refreshing to hear about the spirit of God and how when we are filled life is so much fuller. I think i have been running on empty recently. I bolted to the front last night to get refilled with God and with passion. I can feel the good of it even if I am off with the female version of the man flu..
I just have been thinking a lot recently about my future. I think I have become a little disillusioned as I have been working in a job that takes up all my thinking time and doesn't leave much time for reflection. Its been a while since I have really considered where I am going.
Then again I feel that God at times tells us just to trust that he has it under control and we don't have to be under pressure to always be sure of what is next.
God you are my future. As long as this is true surely everything else is just a by product.
I love that once we encounter God and once we feel his heart for the least...there is no going back...I am not and cannot go back.
Ding and I watched secret millionaire a few weeks back...I tend to go on about things and yes three weeks later I am still going on about what God said to us through this. The programme is basically about people who have lots of money but generally feel unfulfilled with it. They desire to go and give something to people who don't have much in order to make a difference. This particular guy went to a really run down part of England, an industrial town hit by the recession. He visited different organisations that tried to support the community. He found a little organisation called head light which was run by a guy who had schizophrenia. It was a mental health support group. People from the community came with their issues, fears and illnesses to share and to participate in work shops. It was so moving...Obviously I cried the whole way through and although he wouldn't admit it I reckon I saw a wee tear escape from under dings glasses...
The guy who was the secret millionaire himself had had a breakdown a few years back when his wife left him. He was lonely and broken. He himself seemed to enjoy engaging with this group and sharing his story. He donated them a load of money to expand their service and admitted that he had found so much fulfillment in doing so.
God has used that to speak to me about the fact that he knows where he is taking me. What if some day I could be involved in helping people in this way? What if I could use my profession to help people who aren't given a chance to grow and develop and share. Surely all this hard work will be worth it.
At the minute everyone at my stage in work is planning their future...surgeons, Gps, anaesthetists...I never really thought I could find a future in medicine. There is something about the clinical side that leaves me craving contact and conversation with the individual patients and their families without having to run off to the next drama. Yet God has reminded me that he not only plans and knows my future he is my future and he has led me in the right steps to get to my dream.
Striving towards a calling can be dangerous because we can end up blaming ourselves if we don't end up where we thought we would. People might give us some powerful prophetic word about where we will be in ten years...and if that doesn't happen we are likely to be disappointed.
Its not about how great we become, Its not even about how many people we effect...its about giving God your life and rolling with it. Being filled with him so we don't go off on a tangent of disillusionment.
I am not going back, no way...God you are my future. That makes me so peaceful today.